LATEST NEWS

29 June 2010 Andy Murray is British again!! Nothing to do with his win over matey boy, you know, thingy, in whichever round it was - but England are out of the World Cup, so the country turns all its attention to the next sporting failure...

26 June 2010 No-one cares that Scotland's Andy Murray brushed aside Gilles 'Simple' Simon today as they are all gearing up for England-Germany tomorrow. But win he did, and he's now only 6% away from Britishness.

24 June 2010 One of Andy Murray's biggest-ever one-day gains on the AMO sees him end up just 62% Scottish, up from 88% at the start of the day. Another couple of wins and he'll be a true Brit hero once again.

24 June 2010 Andy Murray bows to the Queen! Twice! And instantly rises 25% on the AndyMurrayometer!

22 June 2010 So now he WILL bow to public pressure - and the Queen. And after he bounces a Czech out of the first round, things are looking up for Andy Murray.

21 June 2010 After a disappointing Queens, another cannae-be-arsed Davis Cup avoidance and now refusing to promise to bow to the Queen, Andy Murray starts Wimbledon more Scottish than EVER before, we can reveal. He has just 5% Britishness as he heads to SW17.

30 May 2010 Calamity! Andy Murray plunges to 94% Scottish - possibly a career low - after patheticly moany, wimpish, pasty-faced defeat in the fourth round at Ro-land! Ro-land! Why do you always cry, Ro-land? Garros.

28 May 2010 Round Four beckons - but a very Scottish 6-0 set in the midst of an easy win ensures Murray doesn't get any higher than 62% Scottish.

27 May 2010 Slightly easier progress through to Round Three at I Only Want To Be Your Friend Ro-land Garros sees Andy Murray edge back towards Britishness for the first time in months. But he's still 75% Scottish.

24 May 2010 A rocky start for Scottish No1 Andy Murray at Ro-land! Ro-land! Garros sees him drop 1% on the AndyMurrayometer. Only an Andy Murrayish snatching of defeat from the jaws of victory by his surrender monkey opponent Richard Gasquet saw him avoid Round One humiliation.

23 May 2010 Kilt-wearing ginger Andy Murray starts the French Open officially SCOTTISH, the AndyMurrayometer can reveal. The flop heads to Ro-land Garros 87% Scottish after a crapulent first half of the year enlightened by an Aussie Open final appearance that only served to highlight how disappointing the rest of it has been.

16 May 2010 Andy Murray rises - slightly - on the AndyMurrayometer after reaching the quarter finals in Madrid. But after a decidedly lacklustre 2010 he is still resoundingly Scottish.

13 April 2010 Murray slips to World No5 after crushing loss in Monte Carlo to some German whose surname translates as "Cabbage Writer".